"Pubescent" is a word in ENGLISH

I think I realized intellectually at that point, watching the city slowly give way to the last vestiges of parkland and then the black spruce forests of the North, that I could come back to the land deeply fearful, or I could choose to see it as a place of healing. Pain colours us; we carry it behind our eyes for a long time after it’s passed. At some point, we have to decide whether we’re willing to let it take over our lives and change them permanently, or whether we’re going to wrench ourselves open again to the world. I couldn’t make that choice in the city.